Learning so far

I’ve been doing this Create Daily project for 4 weeks now. 28 posts have been generated. 4 email summaries. Here are a few unsorted thoughts and observations:

  • I’m writing far more than any reader can keep up with. People who open the email may choose to read one essay, if they can make the time.
    • That’s okay, because the project is primarily to stimulate my own writing-and-processing muscles. Readers are an added bonus.
    • That’s also sad, because I sense I’m writing high-quality content a lot of the time (not every post). I need to ask myself what else I might like to do with this, besides the weekly email, to see about sharing it.
      • I can’t quite discern my own motivation for the “sadness” I mention above. I am curious if that’s me acting out of ego, a desire for validation, and to be seen…or if there’s a sense of stepping into a mix of “gifting” and “calling” that is also connected with some kind of reach or at least resonance.
        • Interesting that in the above statement, I say the phrase ‘my own motivation for the sadness.’ What is that? Sadness has no motivation. Sadness just is. I’ve written about that. Why would I expect “sadness” to have a “motivation”?
          • Anyway, I’m writing here, and saying it’s for personal reasons, and it is. And also, I seem to be harbouring an intention for some kind of influence.
            • I also really want to remind myself that the only potential influence I wish to have is one that bids the world-at-large to choose authenticity, love and the stepping-into-one’s-own calling.
              • If you’re reading this, we’ve hit now on my deepest hope: That you yourself would check in with yourself, your gifts, your genius, and ask if you are creating the space necessary for you to live that out. Don’t squelch. Don’t evade. Don’t defer. You are the only person with your unique point of view, your own unique position of influence, and you may be capable of bringing more love and possibility to the world than you’ve been acknowledging. It may be “small,” but it is in that sphere of influence that you get to reside. YOU are only one that is where you are. You are here for this. Don’t step back.
                • You’re doing amazing.
  • I am willing to let the “create daily” project slide when needed, if I need to give myself the grace. Things that might supersede it? Caring for my family. Being tired. The needs we have (where “needs” = sleep, love, well-being) can be prioritized over the goals we have.
  • Somebody this week said I was a “machine!” On some days, I do feel somewhat like a juggernaut: like I have been holding back for years, with so many unshared ideas and uncreated stories. Like this must be my calling: the daily telling of realtime stories of discoveries, the saying yes to creating new. And on other days, it just feels a little tiring, somewhat mundane, and painfully embarrassing, to be constantly throwing myself under this bus, instead of resting in the quietness of anonymity and not-sharing.
  • I will make mistakes during this process. I have so many lessons to learn. I am learning lessons at a breakneck speed. I have 10 years worth of lessons to learn. All the years where I was “supposed” to be creating daily — where instead I spent the time working to meet others’ expectations, putting on a show instead of creating authentically, or otherwise simply ignoring this calling — I now have to dogpile/avalanche into new lessons.
    • Lessons learned include:
      • Please ask people’s permission before you quote them on your blog.
      • Please create instead of making excuses.
      • Please meet your obligations and duties before creating
      • But don’t not create.
      • When you experience drastic and overwhelming senses of shame, ask yourself to explore the root cause of that shame, instead of simply deleting the blog or deleting the habit.
      • You’re doing a good thing. It’s core to your calling. It’s worth investing in. “The world needs people who have come alive.”